Fantasy in G major

Tucked in the recesses of my mind are two complementary voices of a single theme – latent swirls of thought brought together by a hefty dose of prednisone and a lot of thinking time. They are not pair as much as progression. They are less ‘salt and pepper’ or ‘peas and carrots.’ Instead they are prelude and fugue, theorem and corollary. Each stands alone; as a couple, however, the voices more fully satisfy their individual purposes. They are marriage of thought.

In music this coupling is called counterpoint, and here are a few of the rules:

– The counterpoint must begin and end on a perfect consonance.

– Contrary motion should predominate.

– Build from the bass, upward.

That’s the set up. Now let’s start the journey. Let go of your assumptions. Put your feet up and travel with me to another time.

Point: carnival

Step right up, folks – come on in and see this remarkable, inside-out creature. Yes, that’s right, see the guts of this amazing, one-of-a-kind animal seen nowhere else. Just five cents, folks. Step right up, come on in for an up-close view of…you!

I don’t embrace the idea of side shows. Heck, I don’t even like the fair. And you will be really challenged to ever find me at a circus. This makes freak shows specifically off limits.

While the stuff of carnival life is largely history, the truth is we are each our own unique specimens of humanity, walking formaldehyde-filled jars of, well, stuff. We are living, breathing exhibitions of unique, gorgeous grotesqueness.

A friend of mine believes each of us has a glass cube to fill. It is our life’s work to fill it up. The contents and ratios of unique ingredients change as we grow, and stumble. The point is the goodies (or baddies) inside are entirely variable. There is endless possibility. We are each our own one-of-a-kind side show demonstration.

Here are some possible content areas, in alpha order:

– Beliefs

– Coping mechanisms

– Dreams

– Experiences

– Fears

– Hopes

– Habits

– Hobbies

– Interests

– Relationships

– Skills

– Values

Like much of life, the real value is found in the way the individual components relate. They join together in a multiplicity of ways that change over time, sometimes minute to minute. The resulting concoction of form, substance and style is a dynamic living being one might call identity.

Take the complexity of the solar system. Add in humanity, and sprinkle it with spirit. Now you’re getting close. The only rules are: 1) Each cube is necessarily unique and changing by nature. 2) Your form is necessarily correct. (So is everyone else’s.)

What fills your cube?

I’ll go first.

Mine is a Girl-Scout green collage of words like ‘service’ and ‘grace’ sewn together with love by amazing mentors and life experiences. It is fundamentally half-full, and the surprisingly sassy theme song piped in from beyond is “I Take My Chances.” The roots (values and people) are of the farm and the mill. It is real. It is grateful, or as I like to say, grate-filled. It is patient, mildly introverted and ever hopeful. There might be a coping mechanism or two that could use some tweaking. It is so generously outwardly focused that it is off balance. This could use some adjustment at the local soul garage.

The adjustment in question, my inner tune-up, is the perfect segue for the purpose of the cube exercise. Knowing what fills your cube is essential to this: changing or improving your cube contents. That’s right, awareness allows improvement, if you’re into forward movement.

Toni Morrison put it this way: If you wanna fly, you got to give up the shit that weighs you down.

The friend who shared this exercise two decades ago offered a message in three parts:

Be in the business of reviewing and improving your cube.
When any one thing fills a lot of space, and if you decide to replace it with something more useful, it will be scary! After all, without It, there is not much filling my cube. I feel empty and hollow without It.
For this reason, change – sustainable change – is best done slowly. Build one new skill, add or reintroduce an interest, and slowly change the shit that weighs you down. Doing too much too quickly can cause us to reverse direction the way we drop New Year’s resolutions on day 2. Worse, taking on too much can create so much fear we do nothing at all.

Let’s say for the sake of example the thing you wish to replace is a harmful relationship. If you rip it away without first building other social connections, it might feel like you are literally nothing without that person. How will I spend my time now? Who am I apart from the relationship? Do I remember what I believe and what I like or dislike? What were my values, assumptions and pastimes before?

‘Going there’ can be stressful, right? It’s no wonder we imperfect souls so often cling to that which harms us.

What fills your cube?

~~~

Counterpoint: magic forest

Travel with me in time to a quiet space in the countryside. Pull up a seat or make yourself comfortable on a nice, cozy blanket in a field of tall grasses and wildflowers. Look to the tree line to your left and unlock your imagination.

Several years ago I sat at the edge of a forest after days of soaking rains.

As I watched the clouds part and the sun make her long-awaited appearance, a distant noise caught my attention.

With the silence of the rains, I now heard something unheard before. Hidden just inside the tree line under soft layers of leaves and pine needles bubbled a brook. Somewhere inside the forest there was gurgling, perking water, the source of life.

Being my father’s kid, I took a stroll to investigate.

I wandered close to the tall hardwoods that dotted the forest edge. I eased my way into the interior pine stand. Do you know what I found on the ground? Nothing! There was no running water at all.

When the rain began again, I returned to the field of wildflowers and native grasses.

To my surprise, the sun shone on the damp grass, and the clouds had retreated.

Only stepping back under the canopy did I figure it out. The forest had become a life-sized terrarium!

The water I heard running along the forest floor was actually moving cyclically, falling from the trees before re-circulating back to the top, only to fall again in individual rain droplets.

The rain-soaked ground could absorb no more moisture. The canopy above did not allow it to escape. With no way out, water collected in tiny droplets on the leaves and branches, creating a virtual cloud forest. The thicket had created its own self-perpetuating rain!

I sat at the edge of wonder and pondered its meaning.

~~~

Let’s return to counterpoint. Here is a review:

– The counterpoint must begin and end on a perfect consonance.

(How are we doing so far? It doesn’t feel dissonant to me.)

– Contrary motion should predominate.

(The cube is about collecting and selecting – self-definition. The forest is about the energy that keeps it all going. Contrary motion seems legit.)

– Build from the bass, upward.

(I guess it’s all about defining fundamentals, our physical and spiritual foundations.)

~~~

Resolution: sustainibili-tree

The sweet spot between these fantasies of thought is something I have come to call the sustainibili-tree.

It is the marriage of my own personal side show of identifying “things” to the magic forest of life-giving, self-perpetuating rain. Identity meets sustainability. Freud meets Dr. Seuss. (Allow me to retract that thought.)

The sustainibili-tree is not resolution or completion as much as the acceptance that two complementary things can, and often do, occur at once.

It is also the place I have the least confidence or competence. You see, I am not very good at it yet.

Sitting at the edge of the Magic Forest in April 2008, I knew the experience was personal. I needed the gift the forest offered.

The plain truth is I lacked my own inner generator. My power supply ran one way: outward. It was only when facing a fuel crisis that I found my emergency gas can and hitched a ride to the nearest filling station.

I was fully aware that spring day I needed to find my own interior spring of life-giving water. Better yet, the forest and field in question are located at a retreat center I had sought out for just this very discovery. I asked; the Universe answered. (She is really good in that way.)

What have I learned since April 2008? Well, not much, that’s for sure. Here is a start:

As counterpoint to Toni Morrison’s quote, I offer this kernel of truth from Barbara Ann Kipfer: Fill up your inner holes with something spiritual.
Spiritual practice and religion are akin to the old rhombus/square situation. Your spiritual practice might involve religion, but it doesn’t have to.
The whole thing about spiritual practice is you have to practice. It requires regularity and commitment.
If prayer is when we ask, meditation is when we listen for the answers. They are both important.
It takes only three weeks for anything (good or bad) to become habit. Spend your time wisely.
Nourish yourself – good food, good water, good sleep, good thoughts and intentions. It all defines us.
If your religious tradition is Western, embrace it, but keep your mind open to Eastern thought. You don’t stand to lose anything. It is a net gain.
Do the cube exercise from an emotional distance. Make your lists. Observe them. Don’t give in to fear or self loathing.
Start small. Identify one thing you can change and then do it.
The same is true for cultivating new practice. Commit to five minutes each day. Soon you will crave more. Your inner generator will strengthen!
Planting your feet firmly on the ground is the best way to reach the transcendent.
If a belief, habit, relationship or other cube filler is harmful to you, drop it. Build your support network and your repertoire and when you feel strong enough, walk away.
Pay attention to your body. Let it tell your heart and mind what is working for you. If you are running out of gas, it is sending a signal!
As natural as it may feel to have all of your energy moving in one direction, you simply cannot keep going once you run out of fuel. Self-perpetuation is your responsibility as an adult human being and a beloved child of God.
When in doubt, start where you are. It works every time!

So that’s it. From carnival exhibition to sustainable ecosystem to a perfectly sustainable you, we have had one long journey.

Although it might sound tiring at this point in your read, the best news of all is the journey never stops!

Life is a process, not an act. With each rising of the sun we are blessed with countless opportunities to observe, to listen, to change and to grow. Each moment of each day brings lessons if we but open our minds and hearts.

Keep it simple. Grab a notebook and pen. Make your lists.

Then sit back, close your eyes and listen to your inner counterpoint. It is written in the perfect key for you, and everything is already moving at the proper tempo.

Start where you are.