Be it resolved: there will be no resolutions made at my house this New Year.

Fully into my fourth decade, I have finally discerned a thing or two.  Here’s one: resolutions generally don’t work.  They are a Western approach to the flow of life that keeps us swinging from extreme to opposite extreme in anxious search for improvement.  Feast too much in 2011?  Fast it away in 2012!  Only most humans cannot fight Mother Nature.  By January 3 our minds are at war with our strict new habits and empty stomachs, and we lose the war of wills, elbow deep in “bad” foods we squirreled away in the pantry.  The same pattern repeats itself in our diverse New Year’s promises, whether health, love, money, time or ‘other.’

Too often resolutions are ambitious black-and-white hurdles on the path of life.  We set them too high.  They trip us up.  We fall – often sooner than later.  Psychic road rash is hardly the point of a fresh New Year.  Why set ourselves up to fail?

No resolutions for me, please.  No thank you.  No, sir.

~~~

The very notion of the time marker of the ‘new year’ is deceiving.  Attempting to label and contain is what we people do.  It is how we make sense of things.  Yet from the place we are all headed, I’m pretty sure we will one day look back and smile at our former earthly innocence.  Ultimate Reality will give us new lenses for such things as the passage of human time.

In the meantime, we trudge along, trying to classify, control and understand.

When I was in college our chaplain shuffled across campus one day muttering in classic Midwestern (un)flair about two recent deaths.  “Bad things come in threes,” he said with a knowing shake of the head.  Surely I knew what he meant.  “How long until number three?” he asked, already pained from the tragedy.

True to my sweet but sassy Southern-ness, I countered.  “You know how it works, don’t you?  We count starting at one…then wait for another shoe to drop.  When number two hits, we hold our breath, anticipating the inevitable.  And it is inevitable as long as we are living – something else will surely happen.  When it does, we say, ‘See – it always happens in threes.’  And we simply start over with our counting.”

After thoughtful pause and a sly grin, he gave me the point, but the sophomoric challenge to his set belief still annoyed him.  (Score one for The Mitz.)

I thought of him just last week while waiting in my doctor’s office.  The good doctor specializes in the unknown, rheumatology.  He might as well be a theologian like the good chaplain because some clergy have an easier time pinning down the ethereal than those in this medical specialty.

The good doc has quite the sense of humor.  A poster in one exam room lists a litany of examples of Murphy’s Law.  This one caught my eye: The thing you lost is always found in the last place you look.

Yes, chaplain, that’s how it works.

~~~

It is in my (contrary) nature to resist the annual goal-setting of New Year’s resolutions.

How then is the process of human matriculation to be understood?  There are myriad options.  I am currently considering a few.

a.

If not ‘resolution,’ then definitely not ‘revolution.’  Just the thought is downright tiring!  Revolution is not a sustainable way of living and improving – at least not for me.  I have known a few revolutionaries, the conquistadors of the world.  I do not wish to be one.  Hell, I do not even wish to know one.  The required narcissism and volatility are exhausting.  There is a place for them; I am not there.

b.

‘Evolution’ is more obvious, more achievable.  It’s also common sense, and common science.  Remember the origin of the species?  Survival of the fittest?  We anthropological slugs slug along our slug paths, retaining the traits that serve us and releasing those that don’t.  Over time our gene pool improves.  Life improves.  Our chances improve.  We are stronger, more viable.

c.

This kind of bores me.  I get it.  I believe it.  But the flip side of the slug coin calls me, too.  Rather than focus on how we hold on to what serves us, why not take a look at the dark side – how we brave slugs strip away the things that no longer work?  How about some human ‘erosion’  in the name of human development?

Yes, I said it.  I currently fancy the idea of the progress of human psychic and spiritual development as the breaking down and tossing of that which no longer works.

It’s kind of edgy.  Pun intended.

Here’s what Wikipedia offers:

Erosion is when materials are removed from the surface and changed into something else. It only works by hydraulic actions and transport of solids (sediment, soil, rock and other particles) in the natural environment, and leads to the deposition of these materials elsewhere. It usually occurs due to transport by wind, water, or ice; by down-slope creep of soil and other material under the force of gravity; or by living organisms, such as burrowing animals, in the case of bioerosion…A certain amount of erosion is natural and, in fact, healthy for the ecosystem. For example, gravels continuously move downstream in watercourses. Excessive erosion, however, causes serious problems, such as receiving water sedimentation, ecosystem damage and outright loss of soil.

[NOTE: Darned if it doesn’t seem the balanced path contains some retention of positive traits (evolution) as well as some breaking down (erosion).  I will accept the compromise, the whole coin.]

~~~

Last year I sat at the edge of the Grand Canyon at sunset.

Talk about your erosion project!  Here are the stats: 18 miles wide x 277 miles long x one mile deep.  That’s one hell of a pothole.

The beauty is incomprehensible.  The sheer wonder at sunset is more than the human heart and mind can absorb.  I think beauty droplets must fall back into the canyon because en masse they are simply too much for us mere mortals to process.

Back to my seat on the ledge…the breaking down and peeling away of the layers of the eons is not necessarily de-structive.  In fact, in some cases it’s downright con-structive.  Consider these two principles:  1) This undeniable beauty arose from hard, slow destruction. 2)  The longer erosion occurs (17 million years so far), the deeper the resulting canyon.  More hurt = more beauty and more depth.

I don’t know about you, but I say bring on my inner Colorado River!

~~~

In honor of an old (and by that I mean ‘former’) chaplain, I will accept the construct of the calendar year.  Looking back at the most recent antecedent annual construct, it has been one hell of a year.

My psychic slug has evolved.  I have dropped some things that did not serve me so well.  My inner layers are more deeply beautiful, more specifically defined.

Here is a summary of learnings from the year in review:

The Self

• You are uniquely beautiful.
• There is nothing wrong with you.
• Treat yourself with the same love and care you would offer any other imperfect human soul.
• Likewise, every other human being is an equally beautiful and equally valuable child of God.
• You ain’t all that.
• Think.  Speak.  Listen.  Have fun.  Sacrifice.  Share.  Indulge.  Love.  Respect.  Grow.  Resist.  Forgive.  We are meant for all of these.
• Never stop asking questions.  (Question people who suppress questions!)
• Never stop learning.
• Never stop growing.
• Admit your mistakes, fears, shortcomings.
• Claim your gifts.  (This can be more difficult!)
• Never say ‘never’ or ‘forever.’  It will seal your destiny.
• Letting go of the outcome is the key to happiness.  It can be done in any situation.
• Serve the Good in all things.
• Do the right thing with awareness but not concern for the cost.
• Develop comfort with silence and the unknown.
• It’s easier to be nice and to smile.  Try it.
• Love, love, love.

The Individual in Community

• Nothing belongs to us; we are stewards.
• The circumstances into which we are born are not fair.
• If you are reading (or writing) a blog post on wordpress.com, you have won what Bill Gates calls the ‘ovarian lottery.’
• It is your (and my) responsibility to see that our sisters and brothers who did not fare so well get a chance, that their needs are met.  We are required to act.  We cannot do everything, but we must do something.
• People who ask questions to help you get unstuck on the path of life are friends.  Those who judge or give advice are not.  There is no room for ‘should’ or ‘ought’ in the language of friendship.  This cat has a personal agenda she is meeting at your expense.  Pity and forgive her.  Understand her, but distance yourself.
• Except in extreme circumstances, try not to remain too distant from anyone.  Life is short.  People change.
• People will disappoint you.  They are weak, hurt and imperfect.
• They are also occasionally full of beautiful and generous surprises.
• Call a thing what it is.  Softening the message can be harmful.
• When in doubt, tell the truth.
• Pleasing everyone pleases no one.
• The whole thing about relationships: they force us to relate.  Take responsibility.  It’s 50 percent yours.
• We are each unique beings with complete cell walls.
• Do not depend on others.  Resist the urge to control someone else.  Beware she who attempts to control you or who leans too much in your direction.
• Own your choices and your beliefs.  Speak only for yourself.
• If you lay down your life, your sanity, your job, your health or anything else to help a friend, expect that she will not do the same for you.  Make choices that fulfill your own values and personal integrity.
• People who take from you will continue to take from you.  (The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior.)  Don’t fool yourself into believing otherwise.
• However, remain open to the beauty and kindness of friends, mere acquaintances, even strangers.  Their generosity will surprise you.
• Absolute power corrupts absolutely.  She who flies the flag of conflict of interest or self-interest is to be feared.  Her mission is not community or any other soul except as they fulfill her personal agenda.
• Life is a Rorschach.  Example: She who insists it is not all about you actually still believes it is all about her.  She hasn’t yet worked it out.  (Our buzz words are red flags.)
• Bullies are weak.  When challenged, they always back down.
• If a place you belong causes you to devalue yourself, separate.
• Let crazy people be crazy.  It’s on them.
• What you do is not nearly as important as how you do it.
• Truth is always known in the end.  What anyone thinks in the meantime does not matter.
• To have one dear friend who accepts and supports you without ceasing is a gift.  To have a few is lavish abundance.  Give thanks!

Cosmic Rheumatology (The Divine)

• God is God for a reason.
• You are you for a reason.
• Let God do God’s job.  (God is better at it.)
• Don’t get in the way.
• Also, don’t block your blessings.
• Life is spiritual in nature.  There’s a physical reality.  At base, however, it is spiritual.  Don’t be too literal; you miss a lot.
• For this reason, spiritual tools serve some circumstances best.  Discerning the correct situations for the correct tools is the stuff of wisdom and time.
• Often the best way to plug into the transcendent is to plant your feet firmly on the ground.  Find what works for you.  Stop thinking.  Just be.  Any form of spiritual practice will get you there.  Discover yours.  Leave others to find theirs.
• Justice and mercy are a pair.  Both are necessary.  Rest assured God’s justice is far better than yours or mine could ever be.  Let go of personal injustices done to you.  If you’re really blessed, you might get to see the score settled by the Universe.  If not, know that it will be settled.
• God’s job is to judge.  Ours is to believe, hope and give thanks, especially when life is hard.
• Nothing on this earth, good or bad, is forever.  It is all momentary.  Keep your perspective.
• Give thanks every day for the incomprehensible miracles of life.  Big miracles, small miracles – all is a miracle.
• Faith requires action.  Show you are grateful for the undeserved gift of living.  Do something.  Every day.
• There is literal evil in the world.
• Good always wins in the end, and sometimes sooner.  Believe it.

~~~

Nothing in these lists is revolutionary.  (More reason to reject the resolution/revolution approach!)

Everything listed above is something we already know.  Each year, each day, each moment we live we simply see these truths a little more clearly.  Our focus sharpens.  At the end of my physical life, I don’t know how much vision will remain.  Spiritually, however, I hope I’m reading on the bottom line of the Great Optometrist’s eye chart.

Recently I found some old lists of goals.  What stocked me was this: the lists are all the same.  Every.single.one.  The content from list to list is nearly identical.  XYZ goal regarding relationships, work, my person, finances, spirituality.  What is different from list to list, however, is the crispness of the lettering, the clarity.  Each year the progress toward my goals is brought ever so slightly more into focus.  From 2006 to 2008, I inch along the slug trail.  However, from 2006 to 2011, there’s real progress down my evolutionary road, slug slime and all.  Perspective is a gift.  I have nudged forward in fits and starts in each of the prescribed areas.  I have grown!

Each day I hope to become more evolved, holding more tightly to better slug traits.

Each day I hope to erode just a little more, dropping superfluous boulders on specified bystanders.  (See – you’re still reading!)  No, I hope to drop the things that no longer suit me so that my layers are more free and my strata more clearly and beautifully Mitzi.

Life on Earth is short, after all.

~~~

Just today I sat down to update my goals with an eye on the big picture.  What in the world am I doing?  Which direction will I take?  What is the surprising gift that awaits?

Procrastinating for juuust a moment, I opened today’s paper and found this jewel among the ‘readers write’ year-end entries.  The author is my sister and friend, Crystal Atkins.  Crys knows how to get to the heart of a thing.

New Beginnings

New Beginnings, changes to be made.

Some things will stay, but most things will fade.

New beginnings give you a fresh start, looking back at what made it fall apart. Running away from the present because of the past, trying new things without moving quite as fast.

No more worries, no more pains, so much drama you couldn’t even name.

Working two jobs just to make ends meet, coming home tired and beat.

Continuing to be strong instead of every second saying “Lord what is wrong.”

Eliminating the hurt, lies, and deceit moving forward to get back on your feet.

A change is coming for the better, cause your suffering will not last forever.

A new beginning to focus on you, not all of the things you use to do.

That new beginnings is coming sooner than you know, closing those old ones and opening a new door.

So don’t give up, hold your head high, stay prayed up and slow down on asking “why?”

~~~

Sometimes I can be brief.  Last year’s Facebook post for New Year’s Eve worked.  I plan to repeat it.

“forget resolutions ~ follow your path ~ start where you are”

~~~

And with that this anthropological slug has more evolution and erosion to undertake as I inch along my path.

Much peace + all good.

© Mitzi Viola, 12/29/11